Oh, What a Wicked Web I Weave

I failed my math final. It is hard not to be discouraged when things like this happen because I already worked my butt off to get my degree when I was a single mom 24 years ago. I stayed up, lost sleep and paid for my college. I graduated magna cum laude. It was not easy, but I finished in four years and taught for six years. Some of my former students are nurses, teachers, chefs, plumbers, pastors, wives, husbands and parents. It wasn't for nought, but what the heck was it for??

Now, I am almost $24,000 in debt to redo a degree I have already completed. I am spending time studying and working on courses I have already taken.  I am missing out on time with my husband and children and making my house a home.

I went back to school for all the wrong reasons and I am not sure how to fix it. I don't want to quit again, but I hate being in school. I do not want to do it again.

I think I relied on what going back to school could give me in the moment - refunds to help supplement income so we didn't get into further debt even though it didn't help and we are in debt. Instead of trusting God to provide for us, I chose to believe that it was best to sacrifice the future for what was needed in the present. I believed that we needed help with our finances and could get it through federal assistance instead of relying on Providential assistance. And now I can not go back and change it.

We can not continue to live in MD with the cost of living what it is and not have Rick and I have our teaching certification. And even then I am not sure how we will afford our own place. Or be able to pay back our student loans.

It is a wicked web I am weaving, but I do not want to do it anymore.