Song

Years ago, it wouldn't matter where I was, in the car, the house, on the treadmill, there would have been music to accompany whatever I was doing. Singing in the shower was not abnormal for me. If I couldn't sing, then I would hum. I always felt like there was a song in my heart and I wanted, needed to share it.

Then something happened or maybe it was a lot of somethings, but the song started to get quieter and quieter until one day I noticed that it had stopped. I tried to sing, but nothing sounded right. Even humming was just a busy sound in my ears. No longer did songs or singing soothe and heal me, but they were hurtful reminders of years past, dreams lost and expectations unmet.

I want to get the music back, but I am at a loss as to how to do it. My daughter was just accepted into a performing arts school for vocals. She sings from the time she wakes up until she goes to bed, music playing as she sleeps. My son also sings, even making up songs that only make sense to him and the song in his heart. My husband is a weekend DJ, pumping songs into venues to help ends meet, but also because it is in his veins. He is the current reigning champion for 80's music trivia and breaks out into song during our daily lives so much it sometimes feels like we live in a musical. He would love for me to allow him to softly play music at night as we drift off to sleep.  

But, I can't find my song. Most of it sounds like jumbled noise to me or a reminder of the painful past or some recent shortcoming.

I long for a song, but I just can't hear it.

Lisa Jo's blog is where you will be encouraged to write for 5 minutes, no stopping, no editing. Join me.

  

Brave

I sure didn't feel brave. It just felt like what I was suppose to do, what I was created to do. I had made choices to bring me to this place and all I could do was lean in and hold on to the Lord.

Every decision has a consequence and mine had made me a single mother at 17.  I tried to embrace it with grace and dignity, but found myself many times lonely and discouraged, disappointed in the path I had chosen.    

Every day I was scared to death. I'd go to school at an unfamiliar campus in an unfamiliar town. I went to work afraid of messing up for an overbearing boss. I would come home and be afraid that I would not be able to raise this child on my own, not have enough money, patience or faith.   I tried to be brave, but I felt anything but.

The day I finally went into labor, I felt ready because I was 10 days overdue, not because the nursery was set up or the car seat was installed. I was still scared and anxious, but knew there was no alternative. Ready or not, it was time.

I opted for a natural birth. With the help of my sister and friend, I was able to begin to push without any medicinal assistance. I was feeling a bit empowered, but was tired and feeling so many emotions. But, not one bit brave.

After two unsuccessful hours of pushing, I was given an epidural and prepped for a c-section. My mother begged the doctor to try forceps or something to help the baby out naturally as she knew I had wanted to avoid surgery if I could. The doctor, a Christian, agreed to it as long as my mother asked the family and church to pray. He told he would try for 10 minutes, until 7:40 PM.

My son came into this world at 7:39 PM. Not a minute too late, not a minute too soon.  

It wasn't until I held him for the first time that I felt brave. Brave enough to choose life, brave enough to raise this man-child by myself, brave enough to go to college and pursue a degree in education.

And on each birthday, when he would blow out his candles and make a wish, I felt brave. Brave enough to keep going, to be his Momma, to open my heart to love and be loved again. Brave enough to do it again. Twice.

Motherhood made me brave and continues to spur me on to choose to be brave every day.

Come and be brave with me and hundreds of others on Lisa Jo's blog.

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 2 Timothy  1:17 (NIV)

Jump

You know that little jump and kick your heels to the side move that Dorothy does as she and the others skip down the Yellow Brick Road on their way to see the Wizard of Oz? I used to be able to do that rather easily. Just jump and click your heels together. Nothing to it. And I would even do it public. And I would laugh and smile and be totally out of breath afterward. It was exhilarating.

Now, I do not even think I could do it if you said you'd pay me to try. I am older, more out of shape and a bit too reserved. I have moved from my carefree 20s as a single woman into my cautious early 40s as an overweight, overworked tired out Momma.

And I hate it.

I am not sure what I am waiting for, why I am so cautious and afraid to do the hard things to be healthy and doing what I love. I want to get a part of that ambitious 20-something that was taking care of herself, taking risks in life and love and not afraid to jump, click her heels and not care who saw her.

Why don't you jump into FMF on Lisa Jo's blog! Click the link and join hundreds of others taking a risk at writing, for five minutes, unedited and unscripted.



  

Here

I helped him put on his cleats and then stood up to look at him. He smiled at me from under his baseball cap. I straightened his shirt and he ran off to catch up to his team. As I shaded my eyes from the sun, I was transported back 12 years.

It was his first practice in Texas. He had been an all-star playing in our small town in MD, but this was a bigger league and a different state. Would it be different? Would it be the same? It took him just a few minutes to settle in and he was hitting the leather off the ball and throwing strikes across home plate. He was made for this game and that hadn't changed even though we were 1300 miles away from the mound he was used to occupying.

"Mom, can you hold my glove?" I am snapped back to the present and my blonde haired ball player drops his glove in front of me as he chases his teammate. This is his first baseball game ever. He prefers markers and paper to sunflower seeds and Gatorade. He is more sensitive than athletic, more creative than competitive, but he has loved the time he has spent with his Daddy at practice even if he spends his time in the outfield instead of on the mound.

He gets to at bats and strikes out both times. No balls are hit to right field and he sits on the bench for two innings. But, it doesn't matter because he gets to have cookies and a Capri Sun at the end of it and even though I don't think we'll make it to the playoffs, I am so thankful to be here, in the dugout, keeping score.

Just like I did 12 years ago.

Five minutes is all it takes and you can create something. Join us over at Lisa Jo's blog for FMF.

        

The Ultimate Blog Party 2013!!!

I attended this "party" last year and am linking up to The Ultimate Blog Party again this year! It was fun to meet new people and have new blogs to read, so I am excited to see what this year's party brings. Plus, I am entered to win some fabulous prizes!

So, here's a bit about me.....

 I am currently working as a 4th grade teacher's assistant. I really enjoy it, but am hoping to obtain my certification soon so I can be back in the classroom teaching full time.

This blog is primarily a family blog, so you will see a lot of these people.....

This is my handsome husband who is an incredible cook and avid Minnesota Vikings fan

This is the 10 year old daughter who is extremely intelligent, loves to sing and all things One Direction

This is the 8 year old who is a Bear Scout, gamer and talented artist

This is the oldest son and my grandson

The oldest daughter with the littles

And the 18 year old who is graduating in June and leaving for Marine boot camp a week later

This is my grandson who is crazy about all things Batman

And my granddaughter who is happy and beautiful, learning to walk and steal hearts

I love Pinterest and reading through my blogroll (and am hoping to add a few during UBP2013)

I love sleeping in, scrapbooking, spending time with my family, singing (especially praise and worship music, like this song), my grandkiddos, Jesus, chocolate, iced coffee and ice cream!

I hope you will visit again and enjoy the Blog Party!  

  

Broken

5 minutes, no editing, just writing. Go to Lisa Jo's blog and join Five Minute Friday! Today's theme is Broken......

I remember thinking that no one could know because I had built such a reputation as a Christian that no one could see the frailty of my life, the overwhelmingness of my sin, the brokenness of my world. But, I was indeed broken. So broken.

Being a single, unwed mother was a badge I would wear like a scarlet letter for 9 years before God sent a knight in tarnished armor to heal my heart and make my dreams come true. We were two broken people drawn together by the love of God and each other. God was making something new out of our brokenness.

22 years ago I thought my brokenness was a sign of weakness, but that is exactly what I needed to be - weak, so His strength could shine through and mend the brokenness.

Today, when I am broken I try to remember to take the broken pieces to the loving hands of my Savior and let Him carefully repair them into a new thing. He is always willing to make broken things new. For in His brokenness on the cross He redeemed all that is broken, all of us that are broken.

To be broken is to be whole in the One who loves the broken, died for the broken and conquered death for the broken. So thankful for the broken pieces.

Remember

Somehow when I clicked on the link for Lisa Jo's blog I ended up at the post for FMF "Change" and thought that was this week's post. It wasn't. So....here's the real theme for this week "Remember".

Sometimes it is hard for me to think about the past and focus on the good things. I find myself having a hard time sifting through the pain to find the silver linings. I tend to lean on the side of pessimism, so if I can recall a hard or difficult time, I will continue to mull over it and forget the memories that made me smile or the blessings that God has bestowed upon me over the past 40 years.

And I want my children to have fond memories of their childhood. To be able to recall family vacations, or special dinners or birthday celebrations with joy and not sadness.  I want the special times to be at the forefront of their recollections and the gloomy times to be less frequent when they look back on their childhood.

I want to make a conscientious effort to take time at the end of every day and jot down the joyous times of the time, the smiles and the blessings, the victories, more so than the defeats.

I want to live out Philippians 3:13-14 and allow my children to cling to what God has for them in the future, learning from the past and being aware of the struggles, but being spurred by the goodness to gladly anticipate the future.  

¹³ No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it,^[d] but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, ¹⁴ I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Link to Lisa Jo's blog and stretch your creative writing muscle!

    

Lately

Life has just been plugging along here at Casa de Hall. We are on spring break this week and we woke up to several inches of snow!  Hopefully, it will warm up and be gone for the end of the week. It would be weird to have snow on Easter!

I can not believe that we are just a few months away from Cody graduating and heading to boot camp. We just went to a going away party on Saturday for our nephew, Alex who leaves tomorrow for the Air Force. At Christmas time it seemed like it would be forever before he headed out and now the time is here. I am sure these last few months will fly by for Cody as well.

Kari was accepted to the performing/visual arts magnet school for next year. We went to orientation a few weeks ago and are really excited for her. She is so thankful to have been chosen. She also just received the acceptance email for her to attend a chorus camp this summer. I am in awe of her determination to pursue her dreams to sing! She is definitely an inspiration to me! 

Noah started baseball a few weeks ago and got his first hit at his first practice. Rick is his team's manager and I get to be the team mom. This is definitely a learning experience for all of us, but we are looking for to the season and watching Noah play. He will also be starting karate soon. He is very excited about that!

Rick will be changing positions at school after spring break. He will be working in the ED department as a teacher assistant. The position is considered temporary right now, but we are praying he is offered the permanent position for next year.

I continue to enjoy working as a teacher's assistant for 4th grade. I was just offered a instructional assistant's position for summer school as well. I am also getting ready to start training for the 5K I do every summer. I am hoping to shave some more time off last year's time.

We are pretty much finished with the latest home renovations. We still need to get one more cabinet for the dining room. We are planning to refinish the floors next year and do some major changes in the kitchen. I also have a few items for Rick to finish in the upstairs' half bath. Other than that I am hoping to help my parents declutter and reorganize their apartment. 

Here are some pictures from the last few weeks......

New 'do for me. Added some much needed bangs!  

Noah leading the pledges at his Cub Scouts' Blue and Gold banquet 

Alan and Q Hoffmaster joined us for the banquet

 

 Noah receiving Bear badge

 

 

Kari and Amberly at CEC

They do love each other!

 Kiyah at CEC

Kaysen Jace

 

 Enjoying the rides

 

Kiyah and Grammie

 

CEC wore her out

 

 Watching the Super Bowl at church

 Kari and Michaela

 

 Mr. Noodle

 

 Our gracious hosts - Nathan and Rachel Stanley

 

The newest Stanley - Addison

 

Had the grandkiddos this weekend

 Love these cuties!!

 

 

Noah and his new 'do and new glasses

 

Kari with her new specs

 

Noah's pinewood derby car

 

 He won 2nd place!!

 

 

 

 

 

      

Change

Nothing makes me more anxious than the word change. I loathe it so much that my stomach hurts even writing about it right now.

I am a creature of habit and am not a big fan of change at all. My husband, on the other hand, is someone that thrives on spontaneity. He loves to change this up and encourages me to do so often.

And I normally fight, tooth and nail.

But, this year I have been stepping out of my comfort zone and chose BOLD as my word of the year. And change has been inevitable and almost constant.

I have been trying to embrace it instead of running from it. Some days are better than others. Some days I feel empowered and some days I feel paralyzed by my fear of change. Which I think is actually a fear of failure. What if things change and don't go well? What then?

What I need to remember is that God is the perfect author of my story and that He orchestrates every turn and twist my storyline takes. I am slowly realizing that I am much more at peace if I hold onto His hand and embrace the changes.

Even if it still makes me sweat.

 

Link your Five Minute Friday post at Lisa Jo's blog!