Tuesday, June 28, 2016

On My Toes

Rick and I had an interesting discussion about our grandparents the other day. We started talking about how interactive our grandparents were with us when we stayed at their houses. We concluded that even though we spent time with them, maybe watching TV, having a meal or going to a special place most of the time we spent with our cousins or entertaining ourselves.  This conversation was prompted by a weekend visit from our grandkiddos. The older ones are 6 and 4 and require a lot of interaction/activities and are constantly on the go. They love the outdoors and anything that involves running, jumping, rolling, stomping.....their energy level is high. And I love it! I love seeing them run and laugh, but I also love seeing them sleep. They do not nap anymore, but are used to an early bedtime, so getting baths and settling down for a movie in the evening is the bees knees. And we do try to do something fun with them, like a picnic at the park or trip to the bouncy place at the mall or the indoor pool, so that their time with us is not dragging and we are making memories. But, we realized that our grandkiddos rarely go off by themselves to color or play (loved doing that at my grandparents' house) or just hang out with Kari or Noah. I sometimes feel that I constantly need to suggest the next fun activity for them to engage in when they are visiting. But, I do not want them to be off by themselves the whole time they are here because I want them to remember making cupcakes at MoMo and Granddad's or shooting cans off the porch with Nerf guns or making gingerbread houses at Christmas time. I want them to fondly remember the time they spent with us, like we do when we remember spending time with our grandparents. I just wish I didn't feel like I have to be on my toes so much when they are here. LOL



Change is inevitable. It happens when we will it to and when we don't. I have never been a big fan of change, but I was starting to accept it, embrace it even. I was looking forward to some new changes this fall. I had started taking grad classes at a completely different university and said goodbye to a school and coworkers that had become family with no certainty of where I would be next year and as a special educator, nonetheless. And even though one of those things would normally send me into an anxious fit, I was enjoying meeting new people, learning new things and being challenged. I was a bit stressed about a math test I was having a hard time passing, but other than that, I was excited about all the changes.

And then things changed. Well, not really I guess, but things I thought were in the past had an effect on the present and caused things to change. I had told myself that in the beginning of being accepted into the RTC/MAACP that it was too good to be true, that I felt like I was holding my breath, waiting for someone to pull back the proverbial curtain on my undergrad degree. I had prayed before even submitting my paperwork, that if it was not going to work out, let it be a no from the start. Then I got the call for the interview. And I prayed that if it wasn't going to work out, let it be a no from that point. Then I got the acceptance letter. And I prayed that if it wasn't going to work out...but, it was, so I was going to be optimistic and thankful and in awe of what God was doing after years of rejection and I signed the paperwork, accepted the job offer and dove into the grad course.  And with one phone call, it all changed and the rejection was back.

Once again, my undergrad degree from an unaccredited university has hindered me from moving forward in what I feel is the area of education that God would have me be a part of right now. And for the last 6 years. As I started to seek reentering the field of education I was not embraced by the Christian school/private school realm, but was accepted into public education. When the door seemed to be closed for public school, it was suddenly reopened and has been a blessing to my family and me ever since 2010. I would never be opposed to teaching in the private school sector again, but all the doors of opportunity for me in that regard were shut. And I accepted that. And even though, there were a few certification obstacles in public education, I was doing a job I loved. But, I was willing to try for more. Even though it would be outside of my comfort zone, I felt a tugging.  

And I let my heart hope and be hopeful in what God was doing and could do.

I am disappointed that I can no longer be a part of the cohort that would have allowed me to obtain dual certification, a special educator position in the fall and a master's degree in special education, so that my hard work and dedication could never again be questioned. Or rejected. But, for now, it is not to be. So, I will grieve a bit and then move on, once again striving to get someone to accept my four years of hard earned work and degree, so that I can take the next step in my career.



I am not sure how it started. I guess maybe it was a genuine illness at first. Then the teenager babysat a little late on a Saturday night. ...