Imagine

I never imagined that life would be like this. I had grandiose dreams of what married life would be like.....endless hugs and kisses, candlelight dinners and a continual honeymoon. But, when you start married life with three children, dreams and plans change. No one prepared me for married life, let alone married life with two 9 year olds and a 5 year old. Instant family mixed with high expectations meant a lot of work. Entangled with the joy and smiles were heartaches and tears. It was not what I imagined.

Children are born with an empty canvas to hopeful parents that begin to draw upon the backdrop of their lives praying that the strokes are loving and that the picture that is being created is one of stability and that as the paintbrush is handed off, the children will continue to create a masterpiece that is whole and complete and holy.

But, when you begin to parent a child whose canvas you did not start to paint upon there can be strokes that are broken and hurtful, created by a parent that is broken and hurtful. Those strokes can not be erased no matter how hard you try to hide them with new strokes of love, acceptance and grace.

Hurt people, hurt people and no matter how you try to mend a heart or a masterpiece that has been marred, you can not erase the damage already done when you are suddenly given the piece to nurture. The hurtful marks of the biological artist remain.    

And in turn you become the easy mark for the hurtful words and the ugly actions that come from a canvas that has been created by someone selfish. Years of hard work, prayer and perseverance can be erased with a few hours, days or a year of lies, no rules and a material showering of love.

Marriage is hard. Parenting is even harder. Harder than I ever imagined.

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