Love Yourself

Yesterday was a bit hard on this Momma's heart. I finally took Noah to a PT to have his toe walking issue evaluated. Seems his muscle tone is in the negative and he will require ten weeks of intensive therapy to rebuild and strengthen muscles that he has either not been using or using incorrectly. Nothing says Mother of the Year like someone telling you your son has been misusing his muscles for 4+ years and that there is significant damage. What I thought was merely a habit when he was not wearing shoes has been detrimental to his development. Thankfully, the condition can improve, but it will not be easy. He was so exhausted after the evaluation yesterday. But, the other alternative is surgery, which he is not at all thrilled about, so I am hoping he is cooperative with the daily exercises and stretches and bi-weekly therapy sessions.

When I got home from his eval, Kari expressed how awful her allergies have been making her feel and how her current meds are not working. Looks like I will be scheduling an appointment with an allergist to see if there is something else we can be doing so she is not suffering so much during the high pollen seasons. Which in Maryland seem to be every season, but winter. And of course, she has been telling me about her discomfort and asking me to schedule an appointment with an allergist for a few weeks now. Again, Mother of the Year 😍

I was suppose to meet up with a friend for coffee and to discuss an upcoming NoonDay Adoption Fundraiser I am hosting for our worship pastor and his family at the end of June, but we had to cancel. I was really tempted to just stay home, but instead I did not tell the kiddos she cancelled and I went to Chipotle all by myself and had dinner. Alone. By myself. I can remember when Josh was little and my grandparents came over to watch him while I worked my part time job as a receptionist for a podiatrist. They showed up a bit early and my grandmother handed me some money and happily said, "Here's some money for you to go treat yourself to some lunch before you head to work!" She offered it to me like it was a gift and it felt like it until I sat in the restaurant all by myself. As a single momma I was vividly aware that I was very alone. Eating by myself felt like a punishment or failure of some sort. Like only losers eat alone.

Not last night, though. Last night felt like a gift and it was. I gave myself an hour to just be. No conversation, no sharing my chips and guacamole. I didn't do anything, but eat my dinner and drink my Diet Coke and people watch. The couple next to me were on their phones the whole time. Two sets of girlfriends had very different conversations. One belly laughed and talked loudly. The other set whispered phrases of what she said or what she did and I heard, "Well, don't tell anyone, but...." more than once. Two employees ate together and two gentleman ate alone like me. One looked to be taking a dinner break before heading back to the office, while the other one seemed a bit confident in his aloneness, like he'd done it many times before. Me? I was just giving myself an hour to breath before heading back home for bedtime rituals and chores.

After having to take the whole day on Sunday to rest and let my body recuperate after prepping for the yard sale and working in the yard sale and allowing stress to cause my muscles to tense and my mind to tire, I realized that it is okay to incorporate self care into my routine. I shouldn't feel guilty for taking time to be alone and allow my spirit to be quieted.

It truly is a gift.            

A Day in May

Only 24 days left of school! Then I will have an 8th grader and a 10th grader! And Kaysen turned 7 today, while Kiyah turned 5 on May 3 😄 Time does not slow down and everyone is growing up and changing. Kari is counting down the days until she can get her learner's permit and until her trip to Peru. Noah is excited to be so close to having only one more year of middle school left. Kiyah will start kindergarten in the fall. Sigh. It all goes by so fast.

It has been over a year since Devin and Austin moved to TX and Cody and Brianne stopped talking to us. It would be harder to deal with their ignorance of us if they still lived in MD. Having them in TX makes it a bit easier to deal with, I guess. It is still hard only seeing pictures of the girls and not even being able to meet Dakota, though. We have a box of their video games and some other things to ship them this summer. Not sure if that will help or seal the fact that they are not speaking to us. It is really hard on Rick and I hate that Cody will not reconcile with him, at least. Praying that some day it will change.

Josh will be home soon and is looking into the Helping Up Mission. I know he is concerned about committing to a program for a year, but I have been praying for this for so long. I pray he goes and stays. It may be the only thing that keeps him out of trouble and from being incarcerated again. I know he is tired of living the way he has been living, he wants to see his children and he wants to change. I pray this is the catalyst that allows him to get his life back.

This weekend we are heading to VA for our nephew's wedding. Thankfully, we found someone to sit with Jack for the night that we will be gone. He is used to being alone during the day while we are work and school, but has never been left alone at night. And Ellie, the hedgehog will need her water and food changed.  I am looking forward to spending the night in a hotel and having free breakfast on Mother's Day 😍 Noah is excited about the indoor pool. I have a lot of cleaning to do in preparation of having someone stay at our house. The dog hair alone could bury someone. LOL

I am thankful for the unseasonably cooler weather right now since our AC is still not working. Praying Rick's friend can fix it on Friday since we leave to go out of town Saturday morning. If not, I am glad that the weather is suppose to be in the low 60s this weekend.

Can not believe it is almost the middle of May.