Love Yourself

Yesterday was a bit hard on this Momma's heart. I finally took Noah to a PT to have his toe walking issue evaluated. Seems his muscle tone is in the negative and he will require ten weeks of intensive therapy to rebuild and strengthen muscles that he has either not been using or using incorrectly. Nothing says Mother of the Year like someone telling you your son has been misusing his muscles for 4+ years and that there is significant damage. What I thought was merely a habit when he was not wearing shoes has been detrimental to his development. Thankfully, the condition can improve, but it will not be easy. He was so exhausted after the evaluation yesterday. But, the other alternative is surgery, which he is not at all thrilled about, so I am hoping he is cooperative with the daily exercises and stretches and bi-weekly therapy sessions.

When I got home from his eval, Kari expressed how awful her allergies have been making her feel and how her current meds are not working. Looks like I will be scheduling an appointment with an allergist to see if there is something else we can be doing so she is not suffering so much during the high pollen seasons. Which in Maryland seem to be every season, but winter. And of course, she has been telling me about her discomfort and asking me to schedule an appointment with an allergist for a few weeks now. Again, Mother of the Year 😍

I was suppose to meet up with a friend for coffee and to discuss an upcoming NoonDay Adoption Fundraiser I am hosting for our worship pastor and his family at the end of June, but we had to cancel. I was really tempted to just stay home, but instead I did not tell the kiddos she cancelled and I went to Chipotle all by myself and had dinner. Alone. By myself. I can remember when Josh was little and my grandparents came over to watch him while I worked my part time job as a receptionist for a podiatrist. They showed up a bit early and my grandmother handed me some money and happily said, "Here's some money for you to go treat yourself to some lunch before you head to work!" She offered it to me like it was a gift and it felt like it until I sat in the restaurant all by myself. As a single momma I was vividly aware that I was very alone. Eating by myself felt like a punishment or failure of some sort. Like only losers eat alone.

Not last night, though. Last night felt like a gift and it was. I gave myself an hour to just be. No conversation, no sharing my chips and guacamole. I didn't do anything, but eat my dinner and drink my Diet Coke and people watch. The couple next to me were on their phones the whole time. Two sets of girlfriends had very different conversations. One belly laughed and talked loudly. The other set whispered phrases of what she said or what she did and I heard, "Well, don't tell anyone, but...." more than once. Two employees ate together and two gentleman ate alone like me. One looked to be taking a dinner break before heading back to the office, while the other one seemed a bit confident in his aloneness, like he'd done it many times before. Me? I was just giving myself an hour to breath before heading back home for bedtime rituals and chores.

After having to take the whole day on Sunday to rest and let my body recuperate after prepping for the yard sale and working in the yard sale and allowing stress to cause my muscles to tense and my mind to tire, I realized that it is okay to incorporate self care into my routine. I shouldn't feel guilty for taking time to be alone and allow my spirit to be quieted.

It truly is a gift.