Monday, February 02, 2015

Just Keep Spinning

At the end of December, my therapist told me to make sure I had changed all of my appointments to 5 PM appointments because she was doing away with the 4 PM time slot and only going to four days a week. No problem since I had changed from 4 PM to 5 PM in September. Then at my first January appointment she told me she was doing away with the 5 PM time slot and would need me to change my appointments to 6 PM or later. I have to call on the first day of the month to secure the 5 PM time slot, so there was no way I was going to be able to change my appointments for January. I was able to do so for February, but 6 PM is a bit late for me since I have kiddos that require homework and night time routine assistance. I felt like she was trying to tell me something without coming right out and saying it.

My therapist is trying to quit me.

And maybe it is time. I mean, how long should I be in counseling anyway? It has been a few years and she said she felt like I was in maintenance mode right now and would do well moving on or staying with her or whatever.

See, she is definitely trying to quit me.

Now, do I switch to another therapist in the practice that can see me at 5 PM or just stop going for now? Not sure, but I have a feeling at my first February appointment she will strongly sublimely suggest one of those options in one way or another.

I always thought I would be the one to end our relationship, especially since she wasn't my first choice in therapists. My first therapist left after a few months to take care of her sickly daughter. But, I have grown accustomed to M's dry sense of humor and quietly disagreeing with me. She is a bit old school, but I feel grounded with her and I am not sure I am ready to take another shot at a therapist.

Found out Rick's university will not accept my undergrad degree, so I will not be accepted into their master's of ed program. I find it a bit odd that I was even hopeful that they would accept me/my degree. See what I did there? Made it personal. I mean, it is personal. I worked hard for four years for that degree, never once taking a break until I graduated four years after starting. Something that should not have happened with me being a single mom on a limited budget.  But, I pressed on when I didn't want to, when I didn't think I could, when I had no idea where the money was coming from for the next semester and no one will accept my stinking degree! Yeah, it is personal. But, some school somewhere will accept it and I will get to start my master's or I will run off with the circus and become a bearded lady. Not really, but I do need to get a handle on these chin hairs.

So, after I found out I my degree was not accepted I thought about the fact that I could just forget the whole master's thing and become a crisis counselor at the local pregnancy center, become a public speaker, start writing books and tour the world. Take that, WGU!

Then I went online and applied at Liberty University. Just waiting for my transcripts to be sent, so I can talk to a counselor and get started on my master's degree. Hope springs eternal.

And Liberty is not the last school I could apply to, either. I have a few other schools to look into, so all is not lost. I am looking into lining up a publisher just in case, though.

My blood pressure is skyrocketing right now. My BP was elevated in October when I first saw my rheumatologist. She started me on Aleve for my osteoarthritis and then I went to my PCP who was also concerned with my BP and was told I added Aleve to my daily meds regimen, so he started me on a water pill asking me to come back in February to see if it was working. Well, I went to see my rheumatologist on Friday for a follow up and my BP was 152/101. I called my PCP, but got the on call doctor since it was the weekend and she was very concerned that I was told to take Aleve daily when it is known to elevate BP. Say what? Does my PCP not know this? So, I stopped the Aleve and took an extra water pill and my pressure was only down to 148/90 by Sunday evening. I have a 2:30 PM appointment for tomorrow. And I seem to be gaining weight a bit too quickly right now. I am not sure if it is because I was late with my menstrual cycle this month or what, but if the scale is right I have gained 10 lbs in about two weeks. I do not seem to be retaining water even though my BP is definitely elevated. Hoping to get some answers at the doctor's tomorrow. And definitely looking into WW or something, because I can not gain another pound. I just can not.

I meant to get on here and write my entry for the FMF post, but wrote this instead. Now it is time to get the boy in bed and watch Chasing Life. Maybe I will get back on before Friday and do my FMF entry.


Maybe not.

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