I have a really difficult time being in the present because so much of my past still haunts and whispers to me....
You're not good enough
You can't do it
You've already messed one child's life up
It is hard to listen to the voice of Truth when the voice of lies is the voice you have been yielding to for so long. I try to choose the hard thing of living right and doing well, but it is too easy to be complacent and to give up trying to change things and to be different.
Wasn't I always different anyways?
I want to be present, I long to be present in the here and now, to enjoy my husband and my children, to daily choose the good and right and to make a difference, but.....
It's hard and I'm tired and it's just easier to listen to the voices of the past, of the failings, of the mistakes.
How I long to be able to be present.